i feel lik im being 2 pessimistic so ill write a happy blog 2day............................................................
...........................................................
im thinking hold on................................................................................................tacos................................
i have fingers.....................................................................................................boys...........................
shoes...............................................................................jihoo................................................
god thats sad that i cant think of anything happy 2 write about 2 day.
how about i tell u about my japanese class halloween party? okay i went there dressed as a geisha, who r not chinese but japanese and r not whores but entertainers that dance and do fan tricks and pour drinks and attend parties with. OMG moment the only reason y we sometimes think that geisha r hores bc girls dressed up like geisha and then went horing around but REAL geisha dont. geisha only sells their virginity to the highest bidder and have donnas who r kind of like husbands that pay for some things but they r not whores!
okay bac on topic i went as a geisha and i saw stefanipac there and others that were in jap 1/3 and a few some Mccutcheon were there as well. we watched a hilarious episode of the great horror family! then after we ate some num nums we had a costume contest and i was part of a tie in fourth and got a green fan with a dragon on it! but peterson said that my white fan wasnt really japanese but more mexican! how dare he dis the fan! anyway i met this really cute and funny japanese foriegn exchange student guy from the other school named masahiro, he was really nice and funny and he had a hard time pronouncing my name. is it that hard? EMO MOMENT!!!
anyway we talkd and we could tell that there was chemistry so we decided 2 look each other up on facebook so im excited about that! YAY!!!!! i no that gretchen wuld say god haruka keep ur estrogen aura in line, but i cant help it! im sorry! lol hee tee hee anyway im excited and in LOVE!!!
2 day, well technically yesterday, is my dads bday so we r going out 2 eat, but im feeling incredibly bloated 2day which sucs bc then iwont want 2 eat bc i feel yucky and fat! frekin periods! we shuld only have them when we decide 2 hav kids u no! it wuld mak a girls lif SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much easier! if u agree say AMEN!! lol
after my dads bday dinner then im going 2 crash my friends halloween parte!!!!! YAY more parties!!!!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
it gets really hard in my life when i hav a little brother thats disrespectful and is such a lazy mouthy spoiled mfing brat that i just want to scream my head off and a dad that cant figure out when im using a tone or doing things out of anger or not which REALLY makes me want to scream especially since my brother isnt disciplined when he does the actions that im constantly acussed of doing! RRRRRROOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
breathe
RRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have a list of what im too stressed out about
1. my brothers fing ways
2. my parents
3. fall play
4. getting in college
5. telling my mom that im going to VU(if i go)
6. figuring out what im doing
7. worried about not getting my desired diploma bc of an fing SAT score
8. whether its worth quiting track bc it sucks
9. letting my parents down 4 quiting track9if i need 2)
10. car insurance money
11. any chance of going to florida for spring break
12. my urge to kill my brother
13. my urge to scream at my parents for their unfairness
14. any relatives that try to "help me" when im not "myself"
15. thinking whether or not im worth doing all of this shit 4
16. whether im worth going to college
17. whether id b good at what i do in the future
18. wondering why my fing acne wont leave me the hell alone
19. trying not to show my true feelings around my relatives so they dont tell my parents that i have 'not been myself lately' and i get interrogated and my privacy gone
20. whether im actually worth being in this world
im sure that ill have more to add to my list when i think some more or have more mental melt downs. my gama called and asked about why i wasnt acting 'myself' when i took a pillow to my head when my cousins woke me up when i spent the night. she told me that she is there to talk to me and i need to talk to someone but im just afraid that shell tell mom or whoever then theyll interrogate me until i tell them something.
i cant keep my feelings to myself? WTF!!!!!
dads coming ill add more later
breathe
RRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have a list of what im too stressed out about
1. my brothers fing ways
2. my parents
3. fall play
4. getting in college
5. telling my mom that im going to VU(if i go)
6. figuring out what im doing
7. worried about not getting my desired diploma bc of an fing SAT score
8. whether its worth quiting track bc it sucks
9. letting my parents down 4 quiting track9if i need 2)
10. car insurance money
11. any chance of going to florida for spring break
12. my urge to kill my brother
13. my urge to scream at my parents for their unfairness
14. any relatives that try to "help me" when im not "myself"
15. thinking whether or not im worth doing all of this shit 4
16. whether im worth going to college
17. whether id b good at what i do in the future
18. wondering why my fing acne wont leave me the hell alone
19. trying not to show my true feelings around my relatives so they dont tell my parents that i have 'not been myself lately' and i get interrogated and my privacy gone
20. whether im actually worth being in this world
im sure that ill have more to add to my list when i think some more or have more mental melt downs. my gama called and asked about why i wasnt acting 'myself' when i took a pillow to my head when my cousins woke me up when i spent the night. she told me that she is there to talk to me and i need to talk to someone but im just afraid that shell tell mom or whoever then theyll interrogate me until i tell them something.
i cant keep my feelings to myself? WTF!!!!!
dads coming ill add more later
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
it is FINALLY official. i hav officially applied at VU!! about time! my dad signed me up and started asking me what i wanted to do in college but i hav no frekin idea what!
my dad says that i might be a good conservation officer and my moms into that x ray thing. curse them! how dare they give me advice! lol
anyway im looking at what VU offers bc i REALLY REALLY......REALLY want to go there just to get out of the house and make something of myself. i saw medical administration and was looking back on how i was good at organizing and stuff like that but idk im thinking about the present my senior life is too chaotic to be thinking about the future.
come to think of it i can picture myself as an administrator at some hospital and i can kind of see myself as a conservation cop, jsyk its a cop that checks hunting licenses and helps protect the wildlife. imagine me being a rare female con cop! the only thing is is that they were those green get ups! i dont look that great in green DUDE!! i had to hide the application receite from my mom so dont tell about VU she gives the scariest stinkeyes!! YIKES!!
my dad says that i might be a good conservation officer and my moms into that x ray thing. curse them! how dare they give me advice! lol
anyway im looking at what VU offers bc i REALLY REALLY......REALLY want to go there just to get out of the house and make something of myself. i saw medical administration and was looking back on how i was good at organizing and stuff like that but idk im thinking about the present my senior life is too chaotic to be thinking about the future.
come to think of it i can picture myself as an administrator at some hospital and i can kind of see myself as a conservation cop, jsyk its a cop that checks hunting licenses and helps protect the wildlife. imagine me being a rare female con cop! the only thing is is that they were those green get ups! i dont look that great in green DUDE!! i had to hide the application receite from my mom so dont tell about VU she gives the scariest stinkeyes!! YIKES!!
Monday, October 19, 2009
Tonight was hellish in a way first I get home remembering that I have my Japanese listening exercise to do then i get yelled at by my dad. He was frustrated to begin with so keep that in mind. My little brother podi was looking for his boyscout book AGAIN!!! My mom and dad are talking like they are five miles from each other also so everyone was making really hard for me to do my LISTENING exercise.
Out of the blue my dad interrupts me and asks if I have ever seen the book. I calmly and in a level casual voice said no. Here's another fact, my dad is very impatient and his view on a 'tone' in my voice is really bad and off. Naturally my dad assumes that i'm using a growly voice so he says' cant you say it without a tone?' i'm already frustrated that i can't get my homework done so i say' i said no' i turned back to my homework and about ten seconds later i see my dad in my line of vision grab my shoulders spin my chair around to look at him and put his forearm to my throat. then he jerk my head into the door that was right behind me and yells at me about how i dont think i know who i am but i dont need to be disrespectful and yadie da and that i better not be rude to my mother and if i have an attitude then he'll beat it out of me. i have a nice daddy. Okay i admit that my temper slipped a little when i said 'i said no' but it doesnt require my dad to get in my face and drill my head into the door like that with his arm at my throat. he didnt choke me but i think it was so his action would get me to pay attention. before this act of abuse my little brother did growl and use sarcasim with my mom while my dad was upstairs or somewhere and she never does anything but if i sound 'disrespectful' i get a door to my head. how far is that? thats why i want to leave this hell hole and go to vincennes so i can get away from all of this and why im so happy at school because i got the hell out!! i go to school to get awat from that! sometimes when i think about home i look impassive or sad so people ask me why i look sad well thats why.
so now im pissed off with a headache that could make my head explode. if i go to school impassive then maybe this blog will tell you why.
i have to write these blogs in secret and alone or my parents will think that im lying or emo or giving out more than i should and totally take my car and internet away from me or possibly take me upstairs and yell my head off which would make my life twice as hard.
im glad that gretchen showed me how to blog its like my own personal diary that i can share my thoughts and feelings to without all the drama and conflict. i have so much bottled up inside me that i cant talk about to my parents or risk my emotional health. it sucks that i have to resort to a computer blog to i think healthly let all my emotions out. my anger about tonight is already almost gone. i guess that i just needed to sit done and share or write down how i feel in order to maintain my sanity in this place that i call 'home'
dont get me wrong my parents are cool sometimes but when they are already in a bad mood then they can be too rough with us especially me since oniisan moved out and itootosan is the baby then i guess their frustration and expectations and anger fall in my lap. god its been almost a month and i already cant wait to get the hell out of here. i think thats the only reason why i put up with the coaches and the workouts in track so that i have another way of letting out my anger and such in my life. Hey its better than locking it in my heart waiting for the right person at the right time to be around me when my bottle explodes.
wow this is my first real blog entre and i think i wrote half of what happens in my life in this one blog. i promise to try to not write so much but i guess that depends on my mood and everything. i feel so much better about tonight. im still mad at my dad but could you blame me?
anyway i better get off b4 my mom and dad see me lata days!!!
Out of the blue my dad interrupts me and asks if I have ever seen the book. I calmly and in a level casual voice said no. Here's another fact, my dad is very impatient and his view on a 'tone' in my voice is really bad and off. Naturally my dad assumes that i'm using a growly voice so he says' cant you say it without a tone?' i'm already frustrated that i can't get my homework done so i say' i said no' i turned back to my homework and about ten seconds later i see my dad in my line of vision grab my shoulders spin my chair around to look at him and put his forearm to my throat. then he jerk my head into the door that was right behind me and yells at me about how i dont think i know who i am but i dont need to be disrespectful and yadie da and that i better not be rude to my mother and if i have an attitude then he'll beat it out of me. i have a nice daddy. Okay i admit that my temper slipped a little when i said 'i said no' but it doesnt require my dad to get in my face and drill my head into the door like that with his arm at my throat. he didnt choke me but i think it was so his action would get me to pay attention. before this act of abuse my little brother did growl and use sarcasim with my mom while my dad was upstairs or somewhere and she never does anything but if i sound 'disrespectful' i get a door to my head. how far is that? thats why i want to leave this hell hole and go to vincennes so i can get away from all of this and why im so happy at school because i got the hell out!! i go to school to get awat from that! sometimes when i think about home i look impassive or sad so people ask me why i look sad well thats why.
so now im pissed off with a headache that could make my head explode. if i go to school impassive then maybe this blog will tell you why.
i have to write these blogs in secret and alone or my parents will think that im lying or emo or giving out more than i should and totally take my car and internet away from me or possibly take me upstairs and yell my head off which would make my life twice as hard.
im glad that gretchen showed me how to blog its like my own personal diary that i can share my thoughts and feelings to without all the drama and conflict. i have so much bottled up inside me that i cant talk about to my parents or risk my emotional health. it sucks that i have to resort to a computer blog to i think healthly let all my emotions out. my anger about tonight is already almost gone. i guess that i just needed to sit done and share or write down how i feel in order to maintain my sanity in this place that i call 'home'
dont get me wrong my parents are cool sometimes but when they are already in a bad mood then they can be too rough with us especially me since oniisan moved out and itootosan is the baby then i guess their frustration and expectations and anger fall in my lap. god its been almost a month and i already cant wait to get the hell out of here. i think thats the only reason why i put up with the coaches and the workouts in track so that i have another way of letting out my anger and such in my life. Hey its better than locking it in my heart waiting for the right person at the right time to be around me when my bottle explodes.
wow this is my first real blog entre and i think i wrote half of what happens in my life in this one blog. i promise to try to not write so much but i guess that depends on my mood and everything. i feel so much better about tonight. im still mad at my dad but could you blame me?
anyway i better get off b4 my mom and dad see me lata days!!!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
New Blog!!
A new blog is born! It's a girl!! i'm gonna write on it and love it and love it and ...Tacos!
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